Love: believes all things

I was just thinking about the sun rising earlier here within this last week. Isn't it beautiful the way God works; the way the seasons change. Winter...Spring...Summer...Fall...and around again. Not, the fact that Shooter and Sadie jump up on the bed and start playing at 6:45am just so I can walk dizzily to the door to let the puppy out to pee...only...he shoots off the porch out to the corner of the yard and starts barking with his whole voice at our neighbor dog whose been outside for the last hour barking. They called him a Beethoven mix puppy and at four months, I don't think you can tell anything about a puppy (or any younger for that matter). Jim and I believe him to be an Akita mix...Yep, we went from Beethoven to Akita. It seems though, he may just have some traits from a St. Bernard. Lately I've been watching his mannerisms, for lack of better entertainment, and I've noticed that he tends to pause and shake while we're on our daily walks, or he'll soak his squeaky balls when we are playing catch due to the overproduction of saliva, and he'll eat all day long if I let him. So as he is growing larger, Sadie is still ruling the roost, the seasons are changing, and Jim is closer to coming home.
It's late February, Jim has only been gone two-and-a-half weeks and it feels like forever. With the early rising reasons, it draws me to think of the sweet mornings waking up beside Jim. I never in a million years would've thought I'd be so lucky. I feel so happy to wake up every morning next to him. If you've never been married, you'll see someday. I also think it's quite funny because this is where we are opposite in the "opposites attract" situation. He loves to wake up and kiss me to say good morning, his good morning being at 11am; my good morning is at 8am and I HATE kissing just after waking up. I've learned that we have to give a little in a marriage. My giving is giving in to those sweet morning kisses that I've learned to love. When a person is in love, they believe everything is possible. They wake up every morning thanking God for blessing them with such a love that no matter what small and meaningless arguments a couple has, they can both reach an agreement before they go to bed. So in the morning, everything is back to sweet good mornings again.
Life, in general, is so short. But then, if you take a year away from your life with your husband, it gets even shorter. And then, for some military wives; take seven deployments, each a year long, and life together seems a bit bittersweet. Life, no matter how long it is, means believing in the time you'll get to spend with loved ones. Believing that no matter what happens or where they are, if you both believe, you're a little bit closer together by heart. Love is so special and when it comes around you've got to grab it and hold on no matter what happens. This is what it is like being a military family. We are holding on to the belief that we are closer by heart, not necessarily with physical proximity. It is similar to believe we are both under the same moon and set of stars and in that we are closer to one another.
Tonight, we are closer than every before. Our hearts are mended together with no allowance to ever part from one another. Our love is stronger, our hope is flowing over, and our tomorrows are filled with faith that God will bring us together again. You may ask me how we are closer when we're a half a world away from each other. Well, today I was able to visit with Jim for a few minutes. It was so special. Of course he was exhausted, but to here his voice and know that when he said, "I love you" I knew his heart was saying "I love you" too. He mentioned that his days were longer with missions and security, but he would never be too tired he couldn't call me. My heart smiled. I felt refilled with the hope of him coming home. It just made me think about how soon I would get to see him again...and the fact that I needed to find a really cute outfit before then! I just got so excited to see him, I could hardly hold it in. I think Shooter felt the connection too cause he was excited today also. We are all connected by faith, hope, and love.
So no matter where we are in this gigantic world, if we have faith, hope, and love, nothing can separate us. LOVE LOVE

♥ I know you are close tonight, I can feel it. I love you. ♥

Military Life

So, many of you are not military and I should like to help you understand a bit better than I've done previously.
1. When Jim's phone rings, he HAS to answer it.
Okay, so sometimes people just don't want to answer their phone calls. Well, we don't have that option. No, Jim has to answer every phone call and if he misses one, he has to call it back. Now, these phone calls don't just last one or two minutes...no, usually they last about ten minutes and they include the fact that he has to go in earlier or later the next day. They typically occur right at the dinner table so that means that supper has chilled by the time we actually eat, but that is okay, at least we eat! Oh, and when one soldier of the group gets a DUI all of the soldiers in the group pay for it. They all go in to work earlier and receive a lecture on the drinking and driving stuff.
2. How long is his work day?
Usually Jim works a 5:00 to 5:00 day and then goes to the gym. So, that means we get up about 4:30am and get him ready to go; then he most-the-time gets to come home for breakfast at 8am, lunch at 11:30am, then home at 6:30-7pm. Now, this may seem nice, but only because we live on post. If we didn't live five minutes away from work, he would not be able to work this. This is partially why we have trouble operating with only one vehicle. This is partially why I could not work. Because the work hours are so wierd that no day is ever the same. With Jim's leadership role, he has to run other soldiers around to accomplish their work for that day. Consider the other military families who do not live on post...
3. When Jim gets off of work...Does Jim ever really get off of work?
When Jim gets a day off of work, he still has to answer those telephone calls, or go in if someone gets into trouble. Every day we wonder if he will have to go into work for some reason. It is similar to a doctor...never off of work.
4. When Jim has a four-day weekend, he has a radius.
Unlike other families that can just leave for a weekend and go home, we cannot. We have to stay within like 150 miles (I think) of our duty station and since it's a 14hr drive home...I don't think that's within the regulation range. So, we are confined to a space with no immediate family. If you are wondering, that is why we do not make it home very often! We usually try to go home every six months or so. It does get exhausting when you can't just leave and disappear for a few days. They always have to know where we are, what we're doing, or how we're spending the weekend. So, the Army pretty much owns Jim and I.
5. When Jim deploys, I wear the pants...ALL THE TIME.
Wrote this the other day:
HA, I've got a story for ya...Today I found this out very clearly. I am in control of everything. You see, I do not like this part. This means that I have to change a tire if it's flat, or in the case today, change a break light. Not what I needed right now. Jim left two weeks ago today so I'm still trying to figure things out...and then this goes wrong. Not only this, but my finals in my classes coming up that I'm completely and entirely absorbed with right now, my dog hadn't peed in four hours, and I'm trying to get two full boxes into the mail for Jim. So, I started to take the light cover thingy off...found out that the little flat thingy that goes under the screw cover thingy was broken. Then found out that the screw cover thingy was stripped out and that I had no light bulb. So, I threw my tools in the back of the car and drove to AutoZone. The nice check-out man came outside to take a peek and by the time he came out with the correct screwdriver, I already had it off and ready for him to pick out the correct bulb. So, I followed him inside where there was a huge line of men staring at me like I was a stupid woman that didn't know what I was doing in a car store. So I played the "my husband is deployed" card and got just what I wanted! Ladies...that's how ya do it. I got that light done within five minutes and was back home to let my puppy out in no time! Just short of that, I'd had a good day. I did get to talk to Jim today and he did sound rather well...very tired...but taking in the fact that I was talking to him at 2:38am his time. Anyways...got that done...AND wore the pants! So, today I've come to the distinct realization that I'm the only one who can help myself. I need to take a car class, a house-repair class, and a doggy-training class. I'm actually thinking about doing that, the doggy-training class, that is. They offer those at Petsmart for like $109 for eight weeks. Lately I've been spending more time outside teaching Shoot more tricks and he is just learning so fast! I'm excited about that!
6. Choppers
No, I think you've got the wrong idea...I'm not talking about salad choppers or "as seen on tv" products; I'm talking about gigantic machines they put in the air and transport large military secrets. Now, I'm sure we've always heard a plane or chopper overhead before so I won't go into to much detail. I will mention though, it shakes our house and thunders so bad that it startles Shooter into tomorrow when he is napping. He acts like the world is falling apart around him until he runs outside and locates the loud-abnoxious flapping. It pains me to say that this process happens about thirty times per day. Absolutely not an exaggeration, you know what I'm talking about if you live near an airport or military base. No matter how annoying, even after nine months of living here, I am only just now getting used to it. I no longer duck when the house shakes - that is a good thing.
7. So you think you can plan.
I do think that you should know also that it is painful to even think about starting a family because there is absolutely no rhyme or reason to deployments or even changing duty stations. You can't just decide when you want to have children. It comes in deciding whether to try when we see each other next or determine whether we want to wait for the next year. One situation in particular. If we were to get pregnant now, Jim would not be home for the birth. If we were to get pregnant in six months, Jim would be home for the last couple of months of the pregnancy then he's off at special forces selection. OR, we could just wait and try when he gets home, but then he'll most likely be gone for the first year of the baby's life. So...that is a little peek at what we go through...planning...There is NO POSSIBLE WAY. So, I have to pray. Now, I don't want to frightening any loved ones reading this, so take it easy, we are not trying right now...that was just an example.
Not only is baby planning impossible but so is wedding planning, vacation planning, planning to move to a new duty station, planning on Christmas or any other special holiday...
Life has been altered, but I think that is why God sealed us together so early. This is just the reason God blessed us with finding our love at such a young age. Since this is the only thing we've really ever known as a married couple I think adaptation has come more easily. If you think of the other older military families, this may be more difficult and add to marital issues later on. Life is so hectic in any situation, add pets, children, and activities to it and you've got everyday chaos. But, at least we are healthy, happy, and employed. I do not know where we'd be without the military. I think that it has opened up our eyes to the opportunities for Jim to advance with and I've been able to finish school, so no matter how awful a deployment can feel or how far apart we are, we are still blessed with so much.

A side note (only it's at the bottom):
I challenge you if you think you're life is difficult, think again. I thought mine was difficult, and then Chile and Haiti happened.

Love: hopes all things...

A lot of times I find myself falling asleep before I end my prayer at night. Why is this, I wonder. I think it is because I hope and pray for so much everyday all day, I never quit praying. Lately my prayers have lengthened, lengthened all the way to Afghanistan. When I pray, my thoughts often stray to what Jim is doing or where he is and wondering what he'd done the day before. Well, then I get a call. Since Jim has been able to call about every two days, a coupla times on those days, it hasn't been all that bad, except knowing he's only going to get further and further away. God will provide assurance to me when He knows I need it. He will always allow me to hope and when I feel drained of hope, He refills it with a phone call. You see, I think that is how this deployment will go. When I start to worry or wonder myself into sickness, God will act. Now, I'm definitely not saying I've figured out God because that is not at all possible, but I think I'm understanding more of how God is working in my life.
Hope is beautiful, isn't it? It's something that keeps a person going from day to day, week to week, month to month.
I will never lose hope. If I do I'll worry, and if anyone else knows me like I know me...that is never good. I worry about absolutely everything. So, I think that is also something that God is wanting me to work on this year. God even says, "be anxious for nothing..." So there it is. I am not allowed to worry any longer. Well, this does not help if you watch the news on Iraq or Afghanistan, or the fact that Iran has declared itself a nuclear country. Jim has told me not to watch the news because most of what the civilian is seeing is just media subjecting the United States population to the false assumptions that the U.S. are struggling. Which, I know that cannot be. We are the strongest country. We are the most capable country.
Which brings me to my next point. All of us military wives think our husbands are the best soldiers. So, that is our hope. Our hope is in the fact that every single one of our soldiers are the most capable soldiers, the most trained, most defined, most resilient, and also have the most courage. It takes courage to walk into war willingly. With every wife thinking that of their soldier...it must be true. Therefore, our military forces are the best, strongest soldiers of the world. Think about it a minute...you'll believe it. If a man has his family behind him thinking that he is the best...he will be the best and if every family thinks that about their soldier...all of our soldiers will be the best.
This is when I ask you to stand behind our soldiers, our husbands, our sons, our fathers, our men. If you hope and believe, he'll find the opportunity to be the best. This is my husbands opportunity to be the best, so I will hope and believe that he is the best...and he'll come home safely. This is Jim's company's opportunity to be the best, so I will hope and believe that they are the best...and they'll come home safely. This is Jim's unit's opportunity to be the best, so I will hope and believe that they are the best...and they'll all come home safely. I love you, my strong soldier.
Have a little hope in every tomorrow. LOVE LOVE

Love: bears all things...

Day One: Feeling much like the plague with a stomach bug, a cold, having the inevitable deployment complete with sobby goodbye's, I am beyond exhausted. I did complete my lone mission today, homework. Just short of a weeks worth of homework, done today. Needless to say, it has kept my mine occupied except for the occassional daydream for the promise of tomorrow; only 179 days away and he comes home for fifteen days, only to rest up, then leave for another 180 days.
As many of you are not military, it seems impossible for me to effectively communicate with you as you have no idea what its like. Now, I'm not saying I know exactly because I'm not in Afghanistan, but I am married to U.S. Army Ranger. For a man to give freely of his life, family, and home, to serve to ensure safety of you, United States citizens. What a weight upon the shoulders of a twenty-two year old. I do have to say, I couldn't handle it. Not even the 50 pound assault pack, let alone, the 150 pound ruck sack, not counting the numerous magazines for his rifle. Oh, and his rifle. How is it though, that we manage? I'll tell you; it is a day to day remind-myself-to-breathe feeling. Don't get me wrong, I'm not one of those wives that gushes about America not being fair to soldiers and not paying them enough or a wife who jumps on the military soapbox. That's just not me...but for a wife of a soldier deployed, it's different.
It's like he's just out of reach. You wish you could carry his pack, or help him shave, or wake up early so he doesn't have to. It is a helpless feeling. Everyday that I've shared with Jim has been a learning experience for me. He is right though, I'll never understand. He does often have to stop and explain why. Why things are the way they are, but he does take the time. Just like I will take the time to write, and to assure my soldier how much I care and how much I will try to understand no matter how long it takes, even if it never happens.
You see, then, we (wives)are not so different here. No, we all try and try, we do what wives do, we support, and love, and dream, and do everything else to keep a man happy...but here we can, at least, help. If we cannot understand, we can help. Here, I cannot. So, I am left to faith. I pray that God gives me the strength the help Jim where I can help, and to understand when I can understand, and to love always. Through whatever happens, I will always have love. I will always have God's love, Jim's love, and my family's love.
Often, a person wonders why God puts us where we are. I am now wondering. I look at my life, everything we've already accomplished. I wonder why God chose Jim and I to be married; why God chose Jim for the military; why God blesses us so tremendously when we do not deserve it. It always comes back to the message from God; love, the real love. The love that bears all things. Love Love

Live, Love, Laugh

A bittersweet month has begun. You see, I will be suffocated by a solitary life for a year here on a military base with my two animals to keep me company...and people call a woman with a million cats crazy. Oh yes, I am sure to go absolutely burzerco occassionally and rant till there is no tomorrow, but there will be a tomorrow. You can bet on it. My mother will call me, I'll walk the puppy, I'll ride like mad on my stationary bike, and I'll sail through my last year of treacherous college classes with my computer fused to my thighs for the entire afternoon and ending the day with my prayers. Having sucked down two sodas adding to my stomach buldge and devoured five chocolate bars resting on my underarm flab, I'll continue on...and on...with my late-night movies that [my husband says] I've seen a gazillion times and could probably recite them to you right now. They are, most certainly, the best love stories of all time. However, this year, I will be working on my love story from a distance. I do believe "absense makes the heart grow fonder." My love will continue growing with the letters being sent back and forth from Afghanistan proving that we will survive even when the odds are not in our favor. I do believe this will be a monumental point of our marriage in attempting the impossible but with our faith in God, I have no worries. No, the only thing I have is one big vacation from cooking! That has to be the only good thing about this deployment. If you are interested, log on and visit...maybe I'll share a letter or two. LOVE LOVE