As much as I'd like to think I was prepared, I wasn't.
It was a beautiful day outside so I hurried through my workout and used it wisely to attack my yard weeds with vengeance. They've seem to take over more than last year...along the backside of my house. Have to say, Shooter liked the taste. Anyways, I won. They were gone within an hour. Afterwards, I walked around the house wondering what else I could do outside, I came up with sitting on the couch for awhile then going back out to wash the car and work on the front flower bed. Then Jim called. He had called me just like usual on the telephone and we chatted our usual chat..."how are you," "I'm good, how are you"...type of conversation. Had I known his next suggestion, I would've spent the whole morning preparing for it. He offered to use the yahoo video chat. WHAT...yes that is what I said. Video chat. After I had just exercised and pulled weeds for two hours...WHAT...I checked the mirror really quick and wouldn't you know it...I looked like a weed. Dirty, sweaty, pale with bright red cheeks...okay...so not a weed, but still not attractive, an eyesore at that.
So, we logged on and started chatting, although, we ran into some communication errors benze he is across the world. He could see and hear me; I could see him however could not hear him. This was going to be interesting. Well, so I talked and talked and talked and he just listened. I did eventually do a "nod your head yes or no" kind of conversation. Humorous to the oblivious onlooker.
Have to mention, in any case, this man would tell me I was beautiful in any situation, and even in this one. He said I looked "as beautiful as ever"...I do wonder how true that was but it was very thoughtful of him to say so. Our conversation was digitalized so at times the picture of him was blurred but I have to divulge, he looked GOOD. Man, do I miss him so.
The other night as I was brushing my teeth, there was a moment that I could see him. The way he would usually move through the house. What he would do...simultaneously walk into the bathroom and we'd both brush our teeth at the same time, then he would check the doors and situate Shooter into bed on the bedroom floor. It was like I could see his shadow moving about. I could hear his conversation from in the living room then as he moved through the house the conversation would follow him. Its like he is here, still. I can still feel him at night on his side of the bed. I can still feel him get up in the morning and move through the house getting ready for work at 4am. I can still feel him wrestle with the dog in the living room as I am making supper in the kitchen. I can still feel him at the dinner table when I am eating my LeanCuisine.
And when I told him of this, he informed me I was just going crazy. Which, quite frankly, I could be. I have to say, I was starting to feel a bit lonely the other day with no school for the week and the thought occurred to me that I was crazy. I was crazy to not want to be alone. For all of the work I was doing in school, all I wanted was to be alone so I could concentrate and now that school was done for right now, I am alone. Well, I got my wish. I am alone.
So now I've got to make wisely of the alone time I have; although it does get really quiet. I can only watch so many movies in one day and read so many books in a week. So, I'm looking for projects. Right now I'm reading two books, blogging, and watching movies. I need to expand my horizons. So I'm going to mosaic my patio table top and continue on my wedding scrapbook (which, I have to say, I'm impressed with). I have taken on these two projects and probably won't finish them for awhile but that is okay.
No matter what projects I start or how many shopping trips I can go on, there is no possible way to get him out of my mind. He will always be around. He will always complete my sentences and know me better than myself. He will always be the one thinking that I am beautiful even when I am not. He will always be the one to encourage me when I am doubtful.
He will always be the one. You will always hold my heart Jim. I love you.
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